Some could commit acts of unspeakable cruelty while others risked their own lives to save others. From his observations, he eventually developed his Theory of Positive Disintegration. These overexcitabilities, sometimes called supersensitivities, are part of that theory.
What Is Emotional Overexcitability?
The emotional supersensitivity is the most easily recognized by parents of gifted children and others because children who have it display heightened and intense emotions and emotional responses to events and experiences. The molehills to them are truly mountains. The emotional OE is also manifested in a deep concern for others. Even gifted toddlers high in this OE can show concern over a baby’s cries or over the distress of a fellow toddler who has been hurt or become upset. Not only do these children empathize with others, but they feel a connection to animals as well. These children may become vegetarians at a young age because they cannot bear to eat what was once a living creature.
Benefits
Those with emotional OE can sense and perceive things that others may miss or can’t even imagine. They seem to be tuned in to the world and to others in ways that provide them with a rich depth of understanding and appreciation. They are often sought out by friends and acquaintances for help and advice because of the deep connections they form. Those with the emotional OE are also more likely than others to be aware of their feelings, and that awareness allows them to create deeply moving works of art, whether it be in writing, music, acting, or drawing.
Possible Drawbacks
While those who have emotional supersensitivity have deep empathy for others, they have little sympathy for themselves. They are highly self-critical and have a deep sense of responsibility — even for things they are not responsible for. This self-criticism and sense of responsibility can cause anxiety, guilt, and a feeling of being a failure. The depression that those with emotional OE often experience is existential depression, which means that they become depressed over issues concerning the basic questions of life: death, poverty, war, and disease, for example. Bouts of existential depression can be caused by some specific experience, but they are just as likely to arise spontaneously. Children with the emotional OE also have a hard time adjusting to change and can experience high levels of anxiety when they are put in new situations or unfamiliar surroundings. They may also be shy and slow to participate in social activities.
What You Can Do as a Parent
Perhaps the most important thing you can do for your emotionally sensitive child is to accept all their feelings, regardless of intensity. Your first response might be to want to tell your child to stop over-reacting or stop making mountains out of molehills. But remember, those molehills really do seem like mountains to the highly sensitive child.
Listen to Their Feelings
Avoid minimizing or dismissing your child’s feelings. For example, don’t tell them that they are “too sensitive for their own good” or that “everything will be okay.” Your child isn’t choosing to be more sensitive than you might be comfortable with, nor are they going to believe that everything will be okay, even if you’re positive it will be—and can you really be that certain? Listen to what your child has to say without passing judgment. Sometimes your child just wants to be understood. They don’t want a lecture or advice, and they certainly don’t want — or need — to feel judged. This is especially true for little boys because they are so often expected to be less emotional than little girls.
Normalize Supersensitivity
Help your child understand that their emotional supersensitivity is normal for gifted children. This is one reason it is good to discuss giftedness with your child. You can help your child use their intellect to work through and understand those intense feelings. One way to do this is to create an emotional response scale. Of course, you should work with your child to create that scale when they are not upset. They can then think of what kind of event would not be important (1) up to an event that would really be horrible (10). Then when your child is upset, you can use that scale to help them put the event into perspective.
Praise Efforts
Keep in mind that emotionally intense children can become frustrated and upset when they are not physically capable of doing what they want to do. For example, a three-year-old might envision a beautiful work of art, but their fine motor skills are simply not developed sufficiently to allow them to create it. Don’t tell your child it’s okay. For them, it’s not. But do praise their efforts and emphasize their strengths.
Provide Healthy Emotional Outlets
Encourage your child to work through emotions by keeping a journal, writing stories or poems, writing or playing music, creating a work of art, or engaging in some physical activity, such as running or dancing. These activities are great outlets for strong emotions. Don’t expect your child to be a little adult. Don’t expect them to have the kind of emotional control an adult would have just because they can sometimes think and talk like one. On the other hand, avoid letting your child get away with inappropriate behavior because they are upset. Breaking the rules should have consequences. For example, a child should not suffer any consequences for being emotionally upset, but they should for throwing a toy at someone because they are upset. Sometimes, a child may need professional counseling. If you believe your child might benefit from some counseling, be sure to find a counselor who is familiar with giftedness and gifted children.
